We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
