hotel room ftw
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
