I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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