i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
