If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
