I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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