I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
