dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
