Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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