um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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