dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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