Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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