Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
