I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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