Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
