I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
