she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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