you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize