On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
