JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
