Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
