Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
