More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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