i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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