I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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