I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize