I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
