First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
