Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
