Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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