I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He shit in the fireplace
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
