I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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