accomplished twins. life is a go
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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