Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
