If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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