in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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