do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
