I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
