based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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