pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
