When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
