When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
