Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize