They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
