i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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