Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The best revenge is premature balding
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
