If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
