There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
