I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
