By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
