More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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