recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
