Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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