Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
