oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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