Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
