Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
