Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
