So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
