Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
