I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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