im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
