i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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