Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
