Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
