he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
