I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize