when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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