We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
