You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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