go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
