Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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